Choices
by theonlykyla
Summary: I see her behind the trees. The brown flowing behind her as she floats through the air. She made me choose...my heart was torn in two. Choices are never easy, especially when they are made for you.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1~Heartbeat

I sense you everywhere.

Is it because part of your heartbeat lies within hers?

She smells like you.

My tears flow freely.

I see you when I . Sstanding beside her incubator. While I sSoftly caressing her hand.

Your beauty astounds me.

I clutch my hand to my heart. This is everything we'd ever wanted.

A family. A combination of where our souls collided into a being of our making.

I look away.

I feel you staring at me. But I can't look back to you.

It hurts to think of your eyes on me.

I want to sweep you both into my arms.

I walk to the closest chair and sit down.

I close my eyes. I have flashbacks.

Loud voices. A lot of chaos. Alarms beeping.

I open my eyes to see you float through a doorway at the end of the hall.

You just walked right past me.

Who do I go to? you? You or her?

You left me here with her, so I have no choice.

I stand at the glass window, staring into the little plastic home that she currently resides in.

I close my eyes, rest my head against the pane of glass.

The tears fall and I do nothing to stop them.


	2. Chapter 2 Scared

Chapter 2~Scared

**A/n: Blame Kitkat for this...a theory from last weekend's From My Window spawned this in my head. Sat and wrote all 20 chapters in the past 48 hrs. Expect to use a whole box of tissues with each little chapter.**

**TONS of LOVE to my TEAM, lvtwilight09, reyes139 and bnjwl...I've broken all their hearts with this one.**

Someone shakes me awake.

I see you peek behind a door. Your smile is radiating sunlight.

I'm told they need me in the nursery.

I sprint down the hall.

She's crying. She's alone.

I'm told to put a gown on. I'm told to wash my hands.

I see you giggling from behind a curtain, your eyes lit up and joyous.

I'm told to sit in a chair. I question what the emergency is. Why there isn't a doctor around?

She needs to be held.

Why aren't you doing this?

She needs you. She needs the nourishment your body can give her.

They place her in my arms. She stops crying.

She's the perfect combination of the two of us.

My tears fall again.

I see you pass by the window, your hand trails along the glass.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I close my eyes. I cradle her close.

We sleep. We feel your arms around us.

We smile.

**A/n: One more tonight...you still with me?**


	3. Chapter 3 Release

Chapter 3~ Release

**A/n: You still with me? God, I hope so...**

**Love ya, Kitkat;)**

They released you today.

I couldn't be with you.

I had to be with her.

Once again, you made me choose her.

They force me to be with her all day long.

I saw you watch me change her dressing for her cord. I saw you giggle when I changed that filthy diaper.

I stare at her and feel your eyes on me.

Please let her eyes stay green.

They are soulful eyes already.

I don't know if I could handle them being brown, like yours, too.

They tell me she'll be can be released in two days.

What do I do then?

She sleeps. I pace in your room.

I make calls. My mother helps with arrangements for your release.

My sister helps me release my tears.

I cry and my soul feels like it's flying far, far away.

I see you hold her in my dreams.

But you won't ever look at me. You pass me by, with nothing but a 'whoosh' of air.

Then I hear more beeping of the alarms, more screams from my mouth, more panic on your face.

I jolt awake.

**A/n: Last one for tonight. There will be 10 updates sporadically tomorrow, though. And 10 more on Sunday. Buckle up, my lovelies.**


	4. Chapter 4 Quiet

Chapter 4~Quiet

Noise. Noise. Noise.

People talking. Phones ringing. Doors opend and closed.

Yet, in a moment of solitary silence, I see you.

Brown flowing...red streaks shining.

Your face is always turned away from me.

You won't look at me.

Later, in the dark.

Crying. Incessant crying.

My arms won't move. They can't reach you, if I choose her.

My feet won't budge. They can't go to you, if I choose her.

Standing in the dark.

Her new bed holds her crying body.

I see you standing there, staring out the window.

Moonlight shines on your profile.

You move and her crying stops.

She sees you, too.

I pick her up. I cradle her tight to my chest.

You float through the door in the dark of night.

Sunlight again. Birds chirping. Dogs barking.

Voices calling. Boxes opened. Doorbells ringing.

She cries. I cry. You remain silent.


	5. Chapter 5 Goodbye

Chapter 5~Goodbye

**A/n: Update #2 - I'm in a drabble war w/ Kitkat Cullen, go check out her Self Storage, you'll love it!**

I chose you today.

They made me leave her.

Please, don't be mad. I know I promised to never leave either of you.

She cried. She knew I chose you.

My mother held my hand. My sister grasped my arm.

You peeked through the trees in the yard. I saw you.

I heard your dad growl at me, then he collapsed against me.

I thought of her. I missed her already.

They were talking about you.

I closed my eyes.

I could feel you grip my hand so hard I thought you would surely break it.

The monitors were blinking and buzzing.

I screamed at them to leave you alone.

I heard her cry.

It was the last time you looked at me.

Why won't you look at me?

I see you when I open my eyes.

The sun is shining.

You are dancing in the leaves. Your head is thrown back.

Brown flowing in the wind...red shining in the rays of light.

They want me to speak. I tell them no.

They put a box with flowers on it into the ground.

They tell me to say goodbye. Do they not understand?

How can I say goodbye when I see you standing behind that tree?


	6. Chapter 6 Alone

Chapter 6~ Alone

People are everywhere.

Food smells filled the air.

Voices spoke softly in my ear.

I heard her cry. I wemt to her. She kept crying.

I shut the door.

You stood in the ray of light from the window.

You ran your finger along her face. She quieted.

I stood there begging for you to see me. Notice me.

"LOOK AT ME!" I screamed.

People scrambled.

She cried.

They run in. You disappeared.

I fight. They pushed me down. She cried louder.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed.

They let go. I scrambled to my feet.

I saw their tears. I felt their pity.

Why won't you let me see your face?

She cried. I picked her up. She stopped.

They left us alone.

I ssa and rocked her. We looked out the window.

You were dancing in the sun.

Alone.


	7. Chapter 7 Reality

Chapter 7 ~ Reality

My mom refused to leave the house.

Your mom won't come to the house.

Your dad sits on the porch.

My dad handed me pills, which I refuse to take.

I haven't seen you today.

Where are you? She needs you. I need you.

I moved a bed into her room. They insist I sleep.

I closed my eyes.

You scream.

I panic.

You cry.

I scream.

You plead.

I yell demands.

Beep, Beep, Beep...naaaaaaaaa

You look at me.

Eyes to your soul shine and flicker.

Beep, Beep, Beep.

Your hand clutched mine.

I scream again. I cry and scream. I hold you and scream.

I open my eyes to find my dad holding me, "She's gone, son. You have to face reality."

She cried. She knows I scream and cry for you.

You made me choose her. That's reality.


	8. Chapter 8 Routine

Chapter 8 ~ Routine

Harper.

That's what you told me. I didn't like it.

You made me choose it.

Her name is Harper Marie Cullen.

I chose Marie. Please don't be mad.

Show me your face. Please.

I see you standing in the kitchen. I see you hover over my shoulder.

I want my arms around you while you wash the bottles.

I see you sway with us, when I hum her to sleep, like I did with you, before you left me with her.

Why did you make me choose her?

I see you touch her cheek when she sleeps.

I feel your faint lips on my forehead when I cry at night.

I see your profile in the moonlit room across the hall.

You beckon me. I sleep here, with Harper.

You made me choose her. This is where I sleep now.

She cries.

I get a bottle.

You stay with her.

It's our routine.


	9. Chapter 9 Recall

Chapter 9 ~ Recall

**a/n: I know this story is not everyone's cup of tea, so those still with me, I fully appreciate your reading my words. This story is a total heartfail. It's what I write, having buried a child of mine, I know this type of pain well. THANK YOU for reading it. I know I've made a lot of you cry, I wish I could say I'm sorry, but this story should make you cry. I'm right there with you, trust me.**

_"You have to promise if anything__ happens to me, you'll take care of her, by yourself."_

_She said this jokingly. It wasn't funny to me._

_"Bella, don't joke about such things. Please."_

_"Lighten up. We're only having a baby. Nothing is gonna happen to me." Her eyes danced with laughter._

_She loved doing this to me. Getting me all worked up._

_"And don't forget to name her Harper, when I'm gone." She punched my shoulder and stole a piece of chicken off my plate._

_"Hey, stop taking my food. And no, I will NOT name her Harper...that's an awful name." I was half-joking, half-serious._

_"I'm hungry because your sperm impregnated my egg, so I can take all the damn food I want." She said as she snatched another piece and popped it into her mouth._

_"And you WILL name her Harper because I love it and you love me." She leaned over and kissed my nose._

_I pulled her back to me and kissed her mouth. Which made her horny again._

_The food was spilt all over the floor as I fucked her against the side of the couch from behind and again on the sofa table._

_"See, you will name her Harper." She joked as we laid on the living room floor amongst cold Cchinese food and smelling of sex._

_"You know I would." I said as I kissed her softly._

I awake with a start. There you are, sitting on the edge of the bed, holding her. Humming to her.

"You knew I would," I spoke softly.

You nodded your head. I could tell you were smiling.

"Let me go, Edward. She needs you more than I do." I hear your voice in my ear.

"But I need you." I cried to an empty, dark room.


	10. Chapter 10 Sunshine

Chapter 10~ Sunshine

My mother insisted we take Harper outside today.

I only went because I could see you dancing amongst the trees yesterday.

You aren't coming to see Harper at night anymore.

I hardly see you in the window anymore, either.

Is it because I chose her?

Is it because she chose me?

We sat on the bench in our backyard.

The sun is streaming throught the tree tops.

I remember wanting to cut those pesky trees down when we moved in.

You insisted we needed them for cover from the sun.

I reminded you that we live in Seattle. We only see the sun five days a year.

You laughed. You liked to dance naked in the sun, I soon found out_._

You run through the trees. I know Harper sees you, she turns that direction.

I see you dance behind each tree around the perimeter.

I stand up and take Harper to the middle of the yard.

We dance, in the sunshine, she and I.


	11. Chapter 11 Growth

**Chapter 11 – Growth**

**A/n: Only two more for today...**

Harper has brown eyes.

She's starting to hold her head up on her own.

I saw you today. You were standing behind a tree, as I sat in the sun.

In that place where they tell me you are.

There's grass over the dirt.

I left you Peonies. They are your favorites.

I know you aren't there.

But you are coming around less and less.

She smiled at me and it was your smile.

She's a night owl, just like you.

Three months have past since you last looked at me.

I still have the dreams of the buzzing and beeps.

I still wake up screaming.

Your smell no longer lingers in the air at home.

I've moved back into our room.

It's the only place that I can still feel you in the air.

My heart still beats in time with yours, I hope.

When I hold her, I can feel you, what's left of you inside her.

I still cry myself to sleep.

Everyday she grows.

Everyday you grow further away.


	12. Chapter 12 Flashback

Chapter 12 Flashback

**A/n: one more for today...**

"_Okay Bella, it's time to push hard." Dr. Seth tells her as she shoots him a dirty look._

"_As opposed to the soft pushes I've been doing for the past four hours?" She says through gritted teeth._

"_Grab my hands, love, let me help you," I said as I worked to capture her eyes with mine._

"_It hurts Edward." She whined and a grimace crossed her face._

"_I know, baby," I said in a calm and soothing voice. "It shouldn't be to much longer." I move a strand of damp hair from her forehead._

"_Fuck, it hurts," Bella screamed and crushed my hand._

_I looked up to Dr. Seth, my eyes take in his every move, I listen for every sound or word he makes._

"_We have to get this baby out, now!" Dr. Seth yelled to the room._

_I scan my eyes back to Bella in time to see her color drain from her face._

"_Bella. Bella. Stay with me. Baby, look at me." I panic and hold her chin so that I can keep her eyes on me._

_The alarms started beeping, the nurses started scrambling, the doctor started barking orders to the room._

_Bella loosens her grip on my hand._

_I scream._

_She cries._

_Someone tries to pull me away. _

_I scream again._

_She looks at me with blank eyes._

"_Choose her." Slipped from her lips as her hand slipped from grip._

"_NO! NO, BELLA!" I scream. I panic. I can't breath as they start to work on my wife._

_My life._

_I hear a baby wail._

_I feel Bella take a deep breath._

_I have to choose._


	13. Chapter 13 Grief

**Chapter 13 Grief**

**A/n: Just to let you all know, E/B started dating at 14, got married at 18, and would be 28 now.**

**Last one for today...I know, I'm evil. But I promised my precious minime some serious playtime at McDonalds, so off we go...have a great night and don't hate me to hard.**

Today I am consumed by grief.

Today I can't stop crying.

Today I miss you with every ounce of my being.

Today I can't hold her. I had my mom come and take her away for the day.

Today I am wrapped in your favorite blanket. Your scent barely remains.

Today I just want to hold you.

Today I just want to see you.

Ten years ago today you became my wife.

Ten years ago today you gave me your body for the first time.

Ten years ago you took my name.

Ten years ago I saw forever in our future.

Please, I beg you, please come to me.

My heart beats only because of her.

I made a promise to you.

I struggle to breath through the tears.

I am wallowing in my grief, according to my father.

Today, I just want to be where you are.

Today, I am consumed in my grief.


	14. Chapter 14 Time

**Chapter 14 Time**

**A/N: First one of the day...and on such a poignant day...I thought this was a fitting first update.**

I've always been impatient.

I caught a glimpse of you today.

We were dancing in the sunshine.

There you were. Hiding behind a tree.

I saw the brown flowing...but not the streaks of red because you were hidden in the shadows.

Harper giggled and turned her head in your direction.

She's grown so much.

I can't slow the time down to keep her small.

Did you see her?

I wish for your profile in the moonlight of her room as I rock her at night.

Time.

I wish for more time with you.

I wish for time to slow for her.

How much longer will I be able to spot you?

How much longer will you linger in the darkness?

How much time do I have left before you disappear from my sight?


	15. Chapter 15 Awake

Chapter 15 Awake

I lie in bed and remember our mornings together.

I remember the feel of your body, crushed up under mine.

The feel of my arms around your body.

The sensation of your breath against my chest.

I close my eyes and see you everywhere.

Laughing.

Living.

Loving.

I hate to be awake most days.

I hate to have my dreams end.

The goods ones, that is.

The nightmares keep me awake.

Harper doesn't like to sleep.

She prefers to be awake until the last second. When sleep finally pulls her in.

I wish you would wake up.

I wish I could awaken from this heavenish hell that I reside in.

I saw you in the park today.

The brown flowing as you ran from tree to tree.

The tingle of your laughter as it floated on a breeze.

It's kept me awake tonight.

As I close my eyes, my one wish is that you would be there, waiting for me.

Don't make me stay awake.


	16. Chapter 16 Movement

Chapter 16 Movement

Harper crawled today.

I saw you peek around the corner.

I couldn't catch your eyes, but I knew you were smiling.

I cried. Unending tears.

She laughed.

I saw a counselor today.

I laughed at memories.

I cried. Unending tears.

I felt you touch my shoulder when I broke down in the parking lot.

I moved to the small patch of trees, hoping I'd catch a glimpse of you there.

I walked around the whole park, my eyes strained to every flash of brown I saw.

I felt your hand brush mine.

I couldn't follow your vibrations. I couldn't reach you.

I had to stop.

She was crying.

She needed me.

I turned and walked away from your path.

I had to move towards her.

I had to make a choice.

You made me choose her.

I moved, split in two directions.

My heart twisted in pain.

I moved.

I chose. Again.


	17. Chapter 17 JOY

Chapter 17 JOY

_I came home from work to find you giggling in the doorway._

_You were dressed in a pale pink negligee. At four in the afternoon._

_It was a Friday afternoon._

_You were bouncing on your toes._

_Smiling at me like the cheshire cat._

_We'd only just started trying two months before._

_You had your hands behind your back._

"_What is going on, love?" I asked with a hint of humor in my voice._

_You slowly brought your hands out in front of you._

_A small white stick._

_Two pink lines._

"_Is that?" I was completely thrilled with what my mind was computing._

"_You are?" I asked as my eyes took in the joy on your face._

"_I love you," I picked you up in my arms and spun you around a few times as we laughed._

_We cried tears of utter joy._

_We laughed at our happiness._

_We made love through the night._

_We whispered our dreams._

_We admitted our fears._

_My hand never left your stomach._

_Our baby._

_Our love._

_Our forever._

I awake with a start. I see your profile in the window.

I call to you. I beg you to turn and look at me.

You shake your head.

You whisper in my mind.

"You have to let me go, Harper needs you more."

I vigorously shake my head, my mind screams, 'NO, NO, NO'...

"Remember the Joy, my sweet love..."

I blink...she is gone.


	18. Chapter 18 Missing

Chapter 18 Missing

Today Harper stood up.

Today, you missed it.

You weren't there.

I searched and searched.

You forced another choice on me.

I am angry.

She needs you.

I need you.

My heart misses you.

The beats have slowed again.

Hers beat only stronger.

Why are you missing this?

Why did you go away?

Come back to me.

We promised forever.

I did. Didn't you?

A promise not fulfilled.

The life you are missing.

The life I'm barely living.

She smiles and slobbers on your picture.

She misses you.

Are you missing us, too?


	19. Chapter 19 Touch

Chapter 19 Touch

My fingers search the bed for you, still.

They long to feel your skin.

They long to touch your face.

Harper loves to touch.

Everything.

Her favorite place is snuggled against my chest.

She buries her head in my neck, the same as you did.

Her touch brings me relief, when the longing for your touch gets to be to much.

Her tiny hands feel my face.

Her tiny mouth with slobbered kisses warm the tattered shreds of my heart.

Her touch brings a piece of you to me.

My eyes long to feel the comfort of your brown flowing hair, peeking around a corner.

I touch her soft cheek as she sleeps, hoping you at least visit her dreams.

Your touch escapes mine.


	20. Chapter 20 Choices

Chapter 20 Choices

**A/n: This is my last original chapter. I had envisioned that Edward remained alone the remainder of his life. However, my belove beta, Bnjwl, had another vision once she finished this chapter. She so beautifully wrote three more chapters for this story. I will be adding my little touches to them and posting them later this afternoon.**

**I know this has not been an easy journey and I've made more than a few of you cry. I appreciate you reading my words and feeling the emotions, as uncomfortable as they seem. I'm truly honored.**

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer. I just like to twist her characters.**

Five years ago today I made the hardest choice of my life.

I had to choose between saving my wife, Bella or my daughter, Harper.

Bella made the choice for me, in so many ways.

I stand at the foot of her grave, my daughter's hand tucked into mine.

"Am I as bootifull as Momma was, Daddy?" She asks in her soft little voice.

"Every bit, precious." I gently confirm.

"I wish I coulda hugged her neck." Harper says with a hint of sadness.

"She's your personal Angel, precious, she hugs you every night when you fall asleep."

She fidgets for a minute, then looks up at me.

"Would you like to put Momma's flowers in the vase?" I ask her as I brought my hand around, a large bundle of peonies wrapped with purple ribbon.

She nods her head, so I hand them to her.

She walked forward and gently put them in the vase. She turned and looked at me.

"Is that good, Daddy?" She smiled at me.

"It's perfect, Harper." I smiled back at her.

"Can I go back to May-May now?" She toes the ground with her pink, sparkling shoes.

"Of course, baby," I said as I knelt down to her level.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, kissed my check.

"I love you, Daddy." She whispered in my ear.

"I love you, too, precious." I said as I released my hold on her.

She skipped off to the car, as I stood and watched from the foot of Bella's grave.

Once Harper was in the car, my mom waved bye to me and I watched them drive away.

Harper's big party was about to begin.

I turned back to face my Bella.

"God, I miss you." I whispered to the air.

"There still isn't a day that you don't fill my mind." I admitted to the wind.

"But, I remembered all we talked about. I've tried to live my life. If it weren't for Harper, I'd be in the ground beside you." I wiped away the tear that snuck down my cheek.

"Thank you, Bella, for making me choose." I knelt down and ran my fingers through the grass that covered this sacred ground.

"If I can't have you, at least I have her." My heart picked up a beat, I felt the sweet scent in the air.

I raised my head and there, through the trees, I saw it.

Brown flowing...red shining in the sun...and there she stood, waving at me, a smile brilliantly shined across her face.

Her eyes met mine.

"Thank you for letting me go." Bella's voice echoed through my head.

"You never gave me a choice." I smiled back and waved.

I blinked for half a second, she was gone.

A/n: Stay tuned.


	21. Chapter 21 Discovery

**Discovery**

**A/n: This chapter was written completely, 100% by my beta, Bnjwl. This is her vision for the ending of Choices. I love it. **

**She's given me permission to post it to the story, but all credit goes to her. She totally got into Edward's head. **

**Enjoy.**

As I turn from your grave I see her.

She's crying, she's stumbling and she's falling.

My grief is forgotten as I rush to help her, I grab her arm and help her stand again.

She looks up at me, her eyes aren't yours, they mimic my pain. I hand her the tissue that my Mom handed me as I left with Harper.

We sit in the diner and she tells me how she lost Ben.

He was a runner, one morning he didn't come back from that run. She had only been married for two years, she didn't even have the time that we had together. We had almost fourteen years if you count the years in high school. She had two. No kids, nothing to show for their time.

I'm more thankful for Harper now after hearing her story.

I realize I'm almost late for Harper's party at my mom and dad's house. I don't want to leave her alone, she's still so sad. This is her first anniversary to get through. I remember my first one, it was not good.

I invite her to come with me. She accepts. I introduce her to my mom and dad, my sister and her husband. Harper comes over and I don't know what to do, should I or shouldn't I?

Harper handles it for me, she introduces herself, she says she is the birthday princess, Angela laughs and tells her that she most certainly is.

A small fear begins when I see them together. I want to run, to scream, to cry.

That night I see you, you run through the trees at our back yard, the same ones I wanted to cut down.

As I drift off to sleep you tell me to live, to enjoy, to choose again.

I wake up crying, I don't know if I can choose again. I don't know if Angela wants to choose again.

You tell me to stop overthinking and just live. So I do.


	22. Chapter 22 Amazing

**Amazing**

**A/n: Again, this chapter was written by my beta, Bnjwl. I have her permission to use it. I've added a few tidbits here and there throught out...but I truly, truly love this chapter.**

**Enjoy.**

Our house if one fucked up place.

We have pictures of you, of Ben, of me, of Angela, of Harper, of all of us, of her family, of my family and of your family. We keep all of these around because neither Angela nor I want to forget what we had. We had a life before each other, we loved those lives but now our life is different. We love our life now as well. Not more, not less, just differently.

Our blended families have held us together. We've all laughed at birthdays, we've all cried at anniversaries. But, we've never forgotten the love we all remember that holds us together.

Harper is different. She never knew you personally so she blooms when she is with Angela. I worried about replacing you, about her losing you because Angela is here.

Angela has always been mindful of you, the position that you hold in Harper's heart. She encouraged her to speak freely to her about you. She's greatful for the blessing you bestowed upon her with allowing her to be a mother to Harper.

You in all your wisdom changed that thinking for me. You told me that you expected this, you wanted this and you knew that Harper needed this. I still hear your whispers on the wind, they reassure me that I'm doing the right thing. That Angela is the right thing.

I only see you once in a while now. On special occasions or when I'm really worried about things. I sit in our backyard with all the lights out and wait for you to come to me, so that you can reassure me that I'm doing okay with things.

I sat like that the night I realized I was falling in love with Angela.

I sat like that the night I wanted to ask her to marry me.

I sat like that the night before I married her.

Once again you took care of me. You told me all the things you wanted me to know.

You told me it was no accident that Angela and I met that day. You knew she was coming and planned our visit for just the right time. Harper lost her other shoe that day on purpose you told me. It made us twenty minutes late for a reason. Ben knew as well. You two conspired against us.

Harper was thrilled that Angela would get to officially be her mommy. She even helped plan the wedding. We got married in the backyard. I felt you there, I never saw you but I felt you.

Your mom cried and told me that I was doing the right thing. Your dad couldn't speak but he shook my hand. I told him that Harper would never forget who gave her life and he just nodded his head. They left soon after that. I couldn't blame them. Who could watch their daughter's life carry on without her?

Angela never questions me and I return the favor to her. We both know. It's part of what makes us work. I never doubt that the love is real though, it is. But it doesn't take away from what we had and she knows that. I love her more for that.

I sit here tonight, praying that you will come. It's been almost twenty two years. I haven't seen you in fifteen years. Not your face anyway. I see your hair blowing in the wind at all of the major events in Harper's life, you are there. She knows you are there. She tells me when I say goodnight. It makes my heart smile when I hear her tell Ang too.

I guess you were right after all, the choice was a good one. Thank you for that, thank Ben for me too.


	23. Chapter 23 Complete

Complete

**A/n: This chapter was written by my beta, Bnjwl, although I have her permission to use it. I have added a few touches here or there.**

**This is the end of the journey. It's been an amazing accomplishment for me to write this. Yes, I cried while writing it. While my own personal journey was slightly different, I have known the ache and longing that Edward lived through. This was so very therapuetic for me. I feel at peace. I hope you all do, too.**

**Thank you for the reviews and for reading it.**

I ramble on and on about Harper's life. While I talk I clear away the weeds from the edges of your headstone. I can look across the cemetery and see Angela talking to Ben as well. I've been by to talk to him several times myself. Angela thinks that I don't know she comes here to see you as well, but I do. Harper spilled that secret a long time ago. I don't mind. I like that my girls all talk.

I whisper to the air, "Bella, I wish you could have met Ethan. He is perfect for Harper. When she is calm he riles her up and when she is riled up, he calms her down. They are a great pair." I run my hand through my hair but the tears leak out anyway. Usually the hair trick works to slow the emotions, it diverts my attention but not today.

In four hours I will walk my little girl down the aisle and this is just one of those hard days. The days when you slip back into my life and I ache for you. I ache to see you, talk to you, share things with you, hold you.

I told Angela all of this last night in bed. She understands. She shared that the night before our twins were born she sat up and cried because she didn't have that with Ben. I understood too. Again, our relationship fulfills us, it makes us stronger but certain days when we are the two weaklings that fell together in the cemetery.

After I catch you up on Harper and tell you everything I could possibly remember since our last visit here, I whisper that I still love you. I still miss you and I won't let you down. Just as the words leave my mouth I see you duck behind a tree again. I can leave knowing that you heard me.

I knock on the door. Harper stands wearing your wedding dress and I cry. Full, fat tears because she is so beautiful and she looks so much like you. Your mom, my mom and Angela are all here. It's amazing how the years have blended our family and Harper has four grandmothers now. Even Ben's family has become attached to ours. It's strange but we all make it work.

I smile as I see Gavin, mine and Angela's son, walk his grandmothers down the aisle and help them get settled in their seats. When the music starts, his twin, Grace makes her way down the aisle first, followed by several of Harper's friends. Then it is our turn. I walk her so slow. I can't let her go just yet. I love Ethan but he doesn't realize that for so long she was all I had. I feel the wind pick up about halfway down the aisle and we both look at each other. The smile crosses both of our faces at the exact same time. We know it's you. I walk her to the end. I kiss her beautiful face and place her hand in Ethans.

I sit down beside Angela and she asks, "You feel her?" I only nod because words won't come me at this point. "Me too. She is so proud of you. She told me so last night." I turn to look at her. "What? You think you are the only one that goes out there and talks to her in the back yard. I got news for you, buddy, I'm surprised that the three of us haven't tripped over each other getting out there at certain points in our lives. She matters to you and Harper and she matters to me. I thank her every day for giving me what she did." I kiss Angela on the cheek and pat her hand. Bella certainly couldn't have found a better woman for me if she had traveled the whole globe in search of one.

I turn back to hear the minister pronounce them husband and wife, I stand to clap with the rest of the crowd. She runs by and mouths, 'I love you'. I don't have time to return it but she knows.

The next morning I get a call from Harper. I worried about her all night. I think back to the two honeymoons I had and what I did on each one. Well, it's safe to say that no father wants to think of his daughter that way. But her words surprise me.

"Daddy?" She hasn't called me that in years, "She told me last night in my dream. She said how proud she was of both of us and that our choices were spot on every time. She said that she wouldn't be back anymore, that we didn't need her. She said to tell you that she loves you, to thank Mom for her and that she wanted us to be able to move on now." Harper was in tears and so was I. But I understood. Bella had done her job. She took care of us long after she was gone and when she couldn't anymore she sent someone else to do that.

At the time I would trade my life for the choice I had to make, I would gladly give it all up then. But now…well I guess I live by the words that each choice brings you a certain amount of pain and a certain amount of happiness.

"I know, baby, I know. She was happy yesterday, I'm sure of it. We all were. Now, get off the phone and go do something with your husband!"

"Gross, dad, seriously did you just say that?"

"Harper, I meant sightseeing or something…you know what I'm hanging up now. Bye, I love you, have fun."

"I love you too, daddy."

All the choices that we made...finally, we have peace. All of us.

The End.


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